[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons
[2.4s] We got a commandeer Karen's boat
[6.0s] And that's what we use so first thing
[10.0s] Defeating the ferryman of the dead right defeat or persuade or persuade and if we look like we're dead
[16.6s] Even more of a reason
[18.4s] Right sure Ron's not gonna be like I don't know about these dead guys. No, they're just dead guys go
[24.4s] Yeah, I mean I complain or shift but
[28.0s] Can only do that one or maybe
[31.3s] We save that
[33.5s] Yes, I just wonder what can I hit with my ex while I am down there is there anything special that I can prepare for
[42.3s] tons what lives under the ice in the moat lives under the ice I could hear it yeah, I
[48.7s] Could hear it down in the prison imagine a multi-eyed multi-tentacled monster that can speaks inside your head, but is undead
[54.8s] so does
[57.1s] But still maintains the power it had beforehand is there something in your book that might
[63.1s] Answer some of these questions grants. Oh, yeah books full of all this great stuff if you look at the map here
[68.3s] It's got this little pinging beacon looks like it's at the Museum of Greenest. I think we're gonna have to go get his book
[74.8s] Let's do it
[79.2s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your dungeon master rust more he him also with me today's Tom Laird
[85.2s] Yeah, he him and I am playing a flint fire beard and Carla max day
[90.3s] She her playing lip-synchy pip Diggins also she her and Amy More
[95.3s] Yeah, she her playing guy. I'll night hunter ogla. Can you see they and the amistacia?
[101.8s] She her and Kyle class it. Hey, what's up? He him gonna be playing Vorunax also he him welcome everybody
[109.2s] We're here for a caper. We gotta get a book back. Uh-huh. I love capers love a caper
[115.2s] We went from all talking to all action in this episode. That's all planning to know planning
[120.4s] That's right
[121.1s] And that's what you can do when you head to Patreon.com
[123.9s] Slash dumb dragon cast is just jump into the action because we got episodes on episodes on episodes over there, right?
[131.4s] Yes, that's right. Yep. Love the positive affirmation. Yeah, you also get an episode dedicated to you dedicated
[138.4s] To you dedicated to you like today's patron Cory booth
[152.3s] Thank you, Cory and you can join us too and be like Cory and it could be you to Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[160.3s] Fuck it. Let's play
[163.7s] We got the book back end of episode
[168.4s] Great caper guys. Yeah fantastic Russell just post he'll put the rest in in post
[178.2s] Chopped together all of our words here. Let me set the scene. We're all
[183.1s] sitting around a table at
[185.6s] an
[187.6s] nondescript
[188.8s] You know tavern. Yeah in
[192.2s] Greenest. Mm-hmm, and we just finished
[196.4s] Planning our
[198.8s] infiltration of
[200.7s] orcas's lair
[202.3s] at least in preliminary planning and
[205.8s] we realized that
[208.3s] Big part of it has to do with them with grants
[211.6s] This is a book because otherwise he's useless to have around so we should probably go get grants. This is book
[217.4s] Yep, and he said there's a beacon on it. It's at the greenest library. So god
[222.5s] do we have to walk around with this enormous map like
[225.4s] tourist losers
[227.5s] Through the streets of greenest just like we just hire a really good docent. Yeah, it is a museum. So we'll be good
[236.0s] That's about as far as we can get with it as far as we can go, but that's pretty far we're ready
[241.6s] yeah, I think we rolled up the map because the map was mostly of
[247.4s] orcas's lair with I guess like an inset of
[250.0s] The greenest yeah, yeah, yeah for some reason it's really just a bar napkin and I'm just drawing yeah
[258.4s] Well, Grancis says I can just summon my book
[265.2s] What a caper we did it yeah, I mean that saved a lot of time and effort we figured it out
[272.7s] Episode we've solved it twice. Mm-hmm
[276.6s] Grancis can actually summon his book. Yeah. Yeah
[280.1s] It turns it flew right to him. He he was all like
[284.8s] Could just like in hocus pocus and just flew right to him. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Well, you've solved my book
[293.8s] Or Amy really did set the scene we're in the pub we're in greenest we've rolled up our map
[298.4s] We're ready to head to the library and by library. I mean museum
[303.6s] We're gonna stop at the library on the way to the museum you arrive at the library realize you're not supposed to be there
[309.1s] Lipstick he got a bit confused his library book. I mean it kind of made sense, but that's right smart people places
[315.2s] It is just a book that he's gonna check out from the library
[318.3s] Like it's actually not his book specifically and the little slip in it is just Grancis over and over and over and over again
[326.3s] The real challenge is that he has an enormous fine to pay but no money
[330.3s] So we're going to have to figure out how to get the librarian to give him the book
[334.6s] Yeah, that'd be great or whatever Russ has planned
[337.4s] Yes
[341.6s] That's totally fine you find yourselves in the greenest museum there is a
[349.0s] What are they called
[358.1s] Exhibit is the word. There's an exhibit on the red dragon attack that was stopped by
[363.8s] via a Nulara
[365.9s] There are very smaller exhibits one put on by Julie's doilies and
[374.2s] Vorunax you see one off into the distance. What's that one?
[377.0s] It's an exhibit of the construction of this museum
[380.1s] Meant solely to house the heroic deeds that have gone on around the land
[384.0s] You see all of these and they're all very intricate and then the middle of this massive chain
[391.2s] You could call it a chamber or a ballroom or some sort of large
[396.2s] exhibit space
[398.0s] where there is
[400.0s] very bare floors just
[404.1s] Nondescript tapestries of greenest and their various insignias on the walls
[408.5s] But there is a pedestal and this green in this glass case that's surrounding the entire
[415.6s] Pedestal and hovering in on this pedestal is this old
[421.5s] rickety
[423.0s] Torn-up leather book dang it. I could have said it's an exhibit with the book instead of it being in this thing
[428.8s] I thought it was gonna be antique spoons. So that would have been good, too
[432.5s] And the seven of you have entered this chamber and are standing looking at this glass case with this book
[439.3s] Inside and grants this pipes up and says well
[444.2s] There it is
[446.3s] Show them your ID tell them to give them give your book back
[449.7s] Yeah, is your is your name in the front cover, can you just say actually that's mine
[455.0s] I donated it to the museum, but I'd like to take it back just for a short while. Oh, that's probably a good idea
[462.0s] Who is it?
[464.0s] Who do you think we should talk to about that? Is there a docent nearby?
[469.2s] Curators excuse me. Excuse me you you you there. Yes. Yes. Yes kinds kind sir
[477.9s] That is my book
[479.7s] Which book the oh, sorry
[483.6s] The book in the middle of the big chamber with the big spotlight on it the glass
[490.0s] I know the book you're referring to do not touch tablet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm
[494.6s] the the commemorative plaque that says this was a
[498.3s] Book by the leader of the decimator of dragons who perished on the way to the well of the dragons
[505.5s] Ah, yes that plaque that book, of course. Oh, well, I'm I'm him. Oh, well, we were told he died
[512.3s] several times several times right everybody
[515.4s] Nope, you're alive. This is the only you keep this guy down. Can't stop won't stop
[521.8s] Never stop never stop and I live live life all the way to the fullest
[527.1s] Let's it's interesting cuz we were given the book after you died
[535.4s] Yeah, and now you would like it back. Well, yeah, cuz I I am NOT dead anymore. Oh
[543.4s] Okay
[544.7s] What do you what do you need as proof? I could I could give you my name
[549.5s] Grancis
[553.8s] Thor
[555.9s] Thrandor Ashton, well my good friend that just sounds like you're making that up on the spot and and what is your name?
[564.0s] Hopefully, you don't make it up on the spot Mortimer Jones that sounds like a pretty pretty solid name
[572.2s] Like the name of someone that would work at a museum sounds like he knew his name
[580.5s] Well, so you've got a name I've got a name and that's my book what can we do I got
[586.6s] He pulls his pockets up. I don't have any money. Well, I don't think you have to purchase something that is yours
[592.8s] true
[594.4s] Okay, what do you need Mortimer? Well, we do have a
[600.0s] more of a
[601.4s] Finders Keepers rule here at the museum
[605.0s] Hmm, the Finders Keepers of the the the Royal Museums of Faerun. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're you're familiar
[614.4s] Hi, I guess a written
[618.3s] affidavit from
[619.8s] some sort of
[621.6s] Royalty or maybe the mayor of Greenest? Oh
[626.0s] the mayor of Greenest
[628.0s] Hey, you you you folks know the greenest folks, right? Vorunax looks at himself says yes. Yeah
[636.4s] What do you mean the greenest folk like everybody? Yeah, cuz you see you you were the you saved
[642.5s] With the dragon, right? Wait a minute Mortimer. Don't you recognize?
[648.3s] You know, it's all starting and he like points to a giant tapestry that's on the wall behind him says that's
[656.5s] That's you
[657.9s] You're thea
[660.5s] Yes, and Flint look he's got he's shiny now and and and Flint's here too and why they are
[668.0s] Heroes, I would not have recognized him. The beard is the same but the rest is all very different
[674.4s] So does that change your mind it actually yes, it does
[680.1s] If and he's the leader of the Decimator of Dragons
[684.0s] So I am the leader of the Decimator of Dragons Grancis Threnn Threnn door
[690.4s] I'm gonna go leave a note for my manager
[694.1s] Explain what has happened. And yes, you can you can have the book. Okay, great
[700.0s] But I will ask when you're done with it if you could please bring it back
[704.1s] mmm
[706.9s] Like when you die again, you know when I die again sure or just if you no longer need it for your adventures or whatever
[713.9s] You've got going on
[715.6s] Yeah, okay. Yeah, you go write your note. We'll just hang out here and wait for you to come back with the key
[721.1s] Oh, I won't be back. Here's the key. Oh, all right Grancis. Don't worry. Okay Mortimer
[726.3s] So instead of leaving the note
[728.8s] You go you get the key and if you don't the fiery hells of orcas will be upon your
[734.6s] Doorstep before you know it in the waves of undead that'll lash out upon you are going to end your life
[741.5s] Well, calm down man. He'll forget
[749.3s] That was that was a pretty good one though
[751.9s] Pay him the big bucks down there, isn't it? I
[755.7s] Kind of notice I'm grabbing onto Mortimer's
[759.9s] Shirt, and I'm just like, oh, sorry and kind of wipe it off and step back
[765.2s] That's quite. All right. Yeah, you got taken by some madness there for a moment. Quite. All right, friend
[771.8s] I'm gonna give the key to to Thea
[775.4s] Personal this no
[777.5s] Yeah, good choice, yeah, okay, I am I'm gonna go write that note and
[785.0s] Best of luck with whatever you're up to. Oh seems legit. Thank you. Thank you. So we're good to take it now
[792.8s] Yes. Yes. I don't see why not. Well, there's 16
[796.3s] There's looks like a school of children who are strolling through. Maybe I should go surprise them now. Hey, it's my book
[803.0s] I do not think getting children is a good idea. He's already
[808.2s] Thank you
[809.8s] What it's quite a little little sashay that grants. Yeah, he's like he's like sneaking
[832.8s] Oh
[836.0s] Kids Miss Hannigan, who's that old man? Don't worry. Why are you hiding behind? What are you doing?
[843.8s] Oh, I'm smell like cheese
[846.2s] Why do you sound like a ghost?
[849.2s] An old man old men smell like cheese and ghosts. My grandpa doesn't smell like an old man cheese ghost
[856.7s] I've never smelled a ghost smell. Well, you can smell me. You're smelling the ghost
[861.6s] I feel is inappropriate again. There's a ghost over here. I know it's not again appropriate
[868.0s] No, I'm stinky cheese man here. I'm I'm grants is I'm the book owner this book
[874.0s] You were learning about who cares because you love
[877.5s] Education cuz your children this big book looks boring. I'm here for the book and the world that book's so ugly
[884.3s] Why don't you take better care of your stuff? It's all wrecked and ruined and
[889.6s] Would have done it in really colorful inks when I would have dirt dotted all my eyes with hearts and
[897.8s] stars
[899.0s] Our stars I like making an s out of three lines and then some diagonal lines. It looks super cool
[905.3s] Yeah, well those all sound like great suggestions, but when you're living on an airship and only have only have grease pencils
[912.9s] to write with
[915.1s] This is what you end up with kid, are you stealing from the museum?
[919.4s] No, they gave my friend the key. Where did they go? I saw your friend threaten that guy with his life
[926.0s] Oh, he wasn't threatened by the shirt. No, that's scary. That's what adults do
[932.2s] sometimes as they grab each other by the collar and they
[938.0s] Grabbed anyone by the collar miss Hannigan has anybody grab you grabbed anybody by the collar? No, Sonny
[945.1s] I would never yeah, Miss Hannigan is a big fat liar. I'm gonna tell my dad is captain of the guard
[950.2s] Oh, that's gonna be awkward. Oh, yeah, my dad's a mayor. So we'll grab you by your shirt
[955.8s] Your dad's a mayor. Oh, well, you should tell them that the decimators the Dragons are back
[960.3s] The who the book look at the read the plaque miss Hannigan
[965.2s] We haven't gotten that in history yet. When do we talk about them? Oh not for a while yet
[970.4s] Sonny the plaque is really high. Okay, miss Hannigan read them the plaque
[975.4s] I won't be doing that
[977.3s] Okay, I will read them the plan. In fact, if you could please leave the children alone
[981.2s] No, well, I've come to comment here the book
[983.7s] But the plaque says this book was owned by the leader of the decimator of dragons
[992.1s] I mean everyone else has left the friend or Ashton
[997.3s] He was the bravest soul ever known
[1001.1s] To have lived and the kindest one who made the best pancakes
[1009.5s] Well, I do like pancakes, but that waffles bro, I want to see the fossils
[1014.5s] Waffles ain't good shit on pancake. We're looking at a fossil. I said
[1018.4s] fossils
[1021.0s] Miss Hannigan, he said the f-word
[1024.2s] He's saying swears. No, it's just that's just my old man voice. Everything's
[1028.8s] inappropriate
[1031.0s] It was really just uck. All right, dearie time to move along leave the kids alone. Oh, well, no, but okay
[1039.3s] Hey everybody, I
[1042.0s] Didn't get the book. I didn't actually have the key you had the key
[1044.9s] Yes, you ran ahead and wanted to harass the school
[1048.2s] I didn't want to harass, I was trying to educate
[1051.2s] Did you know I was a teacher?
[1053.2s] You set the effort in front of the children. Right to their faces. You slipped
[1058.2s] I've been in the abyss for a long time. Even I wouldn't do that. That's messed up
[1064.2s] They called you out for grabbing a shirt
[1067.0s] Me I say one word. Well words can hit deeper than fists. That's the bone
[1073.8s] Okay. Well round two, how about I just go up and I don't talk to anybody and I just take the book
[1079.3s] Yeah, I mean you've got a key. So maybe just yeah
[1084.4s] Fanfare about it though, if that's all right, I'm just gonna well, okay
[1088.2s] I mean, I guess that's fine. I mean we sure we've been given a key told we can take it but
[1094.1s] Who's to say it isn't guarded and other means and then we get made out as thieves by the person whose life
[1100.2s] I just threatened which sorry about that again
[1108.2s] Well, I mean he did go write a note
[1111.2s] Which could be code for I'm going to get the city guard. So we should probably
[1118.3s] It's let's let's speed this whole thing up something no one has ever said before good call grants us
[1126.7s] All right, we'll go you got the key I see I runs up and
[1132.6s] Unlocks
[1134.2s] The case and waits for an alarm. Nothing comes with the key lifts the lid waits for an alarm
[1141.0s] There is an alarm that sounds
[1144.1s] Takes the book and just nonchAlydintly puts it under
[1149.1s] Was that the gates wait around me or just to the room just to the room. Okay, cool
[1163.7s] You guys go on without me someone will have to I'll hold the pages up
[1168.4s] Someone else is gonna have to transcribe just we will just rewrite this book one page at a time. You hear
[1174.0s] heavy armored footsteps coming into the building
[1178.8s] Led by Mortimer Mortimer, what the fuck is this them?
[1183.6s] They're Mortimer is this the ones that said they're gonna steal your book
[1187.4s] They don't look like the decimators of dragons
[1191.3s] Well now that that's the over there she's one. Oh, that's the other area. That's what they all say says
[1198.4s] I'm a see you're a thea that's a flint that one's covered in scales. He doesn't even look like a dwarf
[1205.4s] I've been decimated by them. Oh wait, you're talking about the other one in scales
[1210.1s] Well, yeah what you've been decimated by them?
[1212.8s] That seems like something a little personal something that you might not want to share with the city guard
[1216.2s] But that's fine, too. So, you know, they're good people. I have ID and and she she looks exactly like
[1222.9s] That I mean that's her. Do you see the blue hair?
[1227.6s] Well, they got the guys yeah, they got them the body modifications they could explain that I lift out
[1235.5s] Donnie I'm like Donnie wake up. Can you hey? Oh, yeah. Hey
[1240.8s] Hey, why are we in a square box? Well?
[1244.5s] mistakes were made again
[1246.7s] Always ending up in a square box
[1250.2s] What's the deal? Why do you need me? Well, I was dreaming of the crackers that we don't have
[1256.0s] Listen, I'll get more. Sorry. We're in a thing right now
[1258.8s] these people don't believe that we're the decimator two-thirds of the decimators of
[1263.3s] For two three
[1266.4s] fifths of the decimators of the dragons three
[1269.7s] Well, if I'm counting you I'm also gonna count. Yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah, okay. Yeah, cool
[1276.2s] Okay, so we want me to do I don't know tell them bite them. I'm not sure
[1280.0s] They are the decimators of dragons. Oh, you think they're gonna listen to a little talking dragon there, do ya?
[1285.9s] And would you say this one any points to grant sis is the leader of the decimators of dragons?
[1292.4s] This one's the leader of the decimators of dragons. They described grant sis Ashton grant sis Trandor Ashton is someone of big muscle and higher
[1301.1s] Personality. Oh god grant sis. Did you write that yourself? Well, I did have letters prepared with Leosin
[1308.2s] before my death that all of my
[1310.7s] Earthly belongings would be shrined and heralded
[1314.8s] By everyone to the name of the last group that I was known to be with Wow
[1320.5s] Just to cover my bases, so that's why the plaque with the book was so so
[1326.3s] accurate and effusive about what an amazing man
[1330.0s] Could you write it could because I had a hand. I mean he polished up the word the phrasing. I've got a question
[1336.7s] Where in this stupid museum? Do you have something dedicated to Nulara? Hmm?
[1343.0s] Well, that's a six bays over there closer to
[1347.8s] Closer to the front of the building there. Yes. It's one of the ones that you just most people don't notice when they even walk in
[1359.3s] You guys I'm mad she looks to her spell this I
[1365.8s] Mean Johnny's mad too. All right, I bet Johnny's mad Johnny get no
[1370.6s] Okay
[1371.8s] Okay, here I go
[1374.2s] This isn't this isn't Donnie's voice Donnie apothecary. Yeah, there we go. We found him again. All right. Yeah
[1381.8s] Well, okay, I'm gonna go sting him. I haven't stung anybody in a little while. No, just bite him. All right, here it comes, sir
[1390.4s] This is not this is more for them than it is for me. I
[1395.0s] Sustained myself on crackers. It's also for Nulara. God rest her soul wherever she is captured
[1403.7s] That's a 14. Oh
[1406.8s] He's got hard arm
[1408.7s] There was my teeth on his nothing not not him Donnie the the little guy called the cops on us
[1416.3s] Oh fighting a guy with armor use your head. Excuse me, tiny sir. That's a natural one
[1424.2s] I have shimmy through these bars only to disgrace myself in the face of you all it's really unacceptable
[1431.5s] It's been a while hasn't it do I put the cuffs on me, sir?
[1434.8s] We don't have any cuffs for tiny dragons. Just cut just come back Donnie. Okay
[1442.3s] Listen, what could we do to prove that? We are the decimators of dragons. This is grants us
[1446.9s] He is not the leader of the decimator of dragons. We are a
[1451.0s] We are a collective
[1453.4s] Okay, what can they do Russ? What can they do? Oh, what can they do their Mortimer? Well, they could tell us
[1460.9s] Exactly how they arrived in water deep the very first time
[1467.1s] Yes, they probably could do that
[1472.3s] Well, you'd be wrong
[1475.0s] Clip clop and buttercup. No definitely wrong found them later
[1479.9s] Airship
[1481.1s] No, was it by
[1483.8s] portal boat went down a river
[1486.8s] Nope, not not that either
[1489.0s] Was it in the back of a wagon led by two horses and a young farmer leading them into town
[1496.3s] Was that true? That's well, that's a very good story that has more details more color
[1501.8s] more
[1509.6s] Was it on a train Oh
[1513.3s] Ding ding ding to the person who's not a part of the decimators of dragons. There you go. I know my history
[1518.7s] Oh, that's right. I always forget the trains exist. I just know my decimators history. That's good. Okay, there's one
[1525.6s] So you can go free
[1527.8s] Not the rest of you
[1530.3s] The book through the bars just really actually we all kind of need to go. It's a whole thing. We need to
[1536.2s] Go to hell and save the world
[1538.2s] Save the world. Yeah, I've heard that one before you have
[1543.3s] Every week someone comes in to try and steal something saying I'm the ruler of the world trying to save the destiny of the many
[1550.5s] And did they and the world is on its way
[1554.9s] In these people's defense, so that's just that's just crazy George
[1559.6s] Yeah, is it the same person that comes in crazy George does come in here a lot and
[1564.4s] And he and his friend and his relations, yes, we could have him on our side another ally another ally we could get wait
[1571.6s] Who are you talking to?
[1573.9s] forgot which character I was
[1576.6s] You're not our now
[1578.7s] No, I'm back crazy George though. We got to find that guy, right?
[1583.9s] I think crazy George probably is seeing something that the others aren't make sense probably get him
[1589.7s] Oh
[1592.6s] Okay, we're here in the middle
[1597.5s] It's happening right now
[1600.9s] I clapped there we go to
[1604.4s] Yes, because I didn't want to be too we did it
[1608.1s] You guys kind of have rows between like two and three. So I just took a shot at it
[1612.0s] You're welcome Russ. We made this way easier. No, it's all good. Yeah, we did it everybody
[1618.8s] We've we've not only started the middle, but now we've synced it. Yeah, so that it's it makes perfect sense
[1624.6s] So this is how episodes always start. Mm-hmm. Normally we cut it out
[1633.0s] We don't want to feel like we're inaccessible, you know, we're just a bunch of dobers sitting around
[1640.5s] Microphones
[1642.0s] B&A holes, which I mean if you want to see
[1645.8s] What kind of goopers we are sitting around being a holes you can
[1652.5s] Yeah, we hit at the end of last month a 100 patron goal
[1662.3s] Thank you Tom that was good underscoring we told you that but what we didn't tell you was when the live show is
[1669.8s] We were still waiting to vote in the Patreon community on them when it should be and the votes are in everybody July
[1677.1s] 22nd a Friday night
[1679.5s] Improv night a Friday improv night. That's did it and there's gonna be some special guests including
[1690.9s] Yeah, why not Kyle is a regular cast
[1697.6s] Actually needs to be there
[1699.8s] Yeah contractually obligated
[1703.9s] We've let him out of the room for tonight so that he didn't have to do these but he'll be there for that night
[1709.0s] That's right. Also Cicero
[1713.2s] So fun we haven't seen him in so long
[1716.7s] So many things in the world have happened since we've last seen Cicero and it's it's too bad
[1722.3s] Really because we'd love hanging out with him so much and can't wait to do so at the end of the month
[1728.3s] So it's not too late if you want to be there you can still join Patreon and then you can be there and you can
[1735.0s] Make suggestions and watch us embarrass ourselves and it'll be good when you do join us
[1740.3s] We have some new goals, which you can see at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[1744.6s] There's some pretty pretty pretty stellar ones as far as we're concerned because Tom had some great ideas
[1751.1s] During our business meeting. He's so fucking good. It's about damn time in a minute time
[1756.2s] I say this with some goals and then Patreon. I mean, yeah
[1760.3s] Yeah, yeah, I see did it. So it's about damn time you get over there to Patreon
[1769.2s] Where Russ will definitely be singing the entire song about damn time by Lizzo. That's how we're gonna start and
[1777.4s] It'll be good. Yeah, I'm gonna practice from now until then. All right, everybody there's gonna be the tick-tock dance, too
[1785.7s] I'm in need a sentimental man or woman to pump
[1799.1s] Very well, all right, I'm gonna go practice everybody you get back to the episode
[1802.6s] In a minute somebody there was about pump me up
[1821.1s] Or perhaps he is just a little crazy although you must think how
[1826.8s] Ridiculous would you feel if you are stopping someone from saving the world?
[1832.6s] Yeah, I mean they are all going to end up as undead very soon. Anyway, yes
[1838.1s] From what you've told me. Yes
[1840.1s] So this is close to black pool
[1843.3s] So therefore if it is spreading outward likely before and the whole 10-year timeline
[1851.1s] So I mean
[1853.1s] How's the ley lines in this in this position here Varnoaks feeling good in greenest not bad
[1859.3s] I think it's definitely it's got potential. Yes
[1862.3s] I mean why Tiamat attacked it too. So when you go back to orcas you can tell him
[1868.9s] Greenest should probably be next on list. Yes
[1872.8s] Especially since now it looks like our plan has been
[1877.2s] thwarted by these
[1879.2s] Guards and we will not be able to save everyone if we're not gonna get out of here
[1883.5s] we'll be stuck in jail might as well make it a point of order and I pull out a piece of paper and I
[1888.8s] Write through hub. I write through black pool and all right
[1892.8s] Greenest fold it up stick it in my pocket while looking at the guard Mortimer
[1896.8s] Are they threatening us with the end of the world? Didn't they say they want to save the world and now they're saying that they want
[1903.0s] to destroy
[1904.5s] Greenest that is what they said. It's hard to know with these hooligans. What's what?
[1912.0s] It's not that hard to understand
[1914.7s] Okay, him and I were evil and then we were gonna take over the world
[1919.3s] But then we decided to not be evil. So then we were gonna stop
[1923.9s] The destruction of the world that we started great. It's obvious what is happening here
[1929.2s] Can we just go to hell your interference of us saving the world makes me want to end the world
[1935.4s] We're back to ending the world again. See this seems like I'm just saying this is could we just look in the book grants?
[1940.6s] Write your name in there something you wrote a two paragraphs about how buff you were to put on this
[1947.2s] Informational tag here in front of the book. Do you just sign your name in the book?
[1950.4s] Yes, this is one of the biggest plaques we have in the museum. Yeah. See there's my name grants
[1957.3s] Grant's is Thrandor Ashton
[1959.4s] the buffest
[1960.9s] Wizard around pinmanship check. Yeah, we do a handwriting analysis. Can you just
[1967.7s] Just write something
[1969.2s] Okay, yeah
[1975.6s] Just just just crossed out a black hole and your utensil yeah
[1980.7s] Oh had your name underneath greenest. Okay. Wait what I'm gonna write it on my hand
[1990.2s] I hold up the book so that they can see writing
[1994.3s] He writes grants is
[1996.8s] Okay, look make a persuasion check. Oh
[2001.0s] It's pretty good
[2003.4s] There's similarities there wouldn't you say Mortimer you're a chief
[2010.3s] Is a handwriting specialist of the museum aren't you
[2014.1s] Yes, when I'm not giving tours, that is what I tend to focus on
[2019.3s] Authentication and whatnot and it dubbed. I mean the loop in the G here. You can see it's very similar
[2024.7s] Yes, yes your lessons with that Terry. We're really paying off now. Oh, yes, terry bear. He's delightful
[2031.7s] Yes, my god, you guys it's called graphology. Can we go? Well, I mean you've made a convincing argument
[2038.9s] Putting Grant's is his name here
[2041.2s] On his hand. It looks the same Mortimer checks that out. You have blue hair
[2046.7s] You two have threatened the world twice in the same sentence
[2051.5s] weren't you Irish I
[2055.2s] Forgot I wish you'd just let us go
[2059.4s] You're talking to us about our story. Who are you it drips in and out as the more excited I get
[2067.4s] Dad of that kid over there. What's going on here?
[2071.1s] My kids here. Oh shit. All right. Well, uh, don't tell him I said shit
[2076.1s] He's a little bit of a brat when it comes to bad words
[2079.6s] I'm gonna just open the gate here here
[2084.6s] Grants is if you could help me lift it that would just be that would just be stellar cuz you're so
[2090.2s] Buff look at me go. I am going to cast I think I have guidance
[2094.1s] Please say I have guidance. Why would I not have guidance night hunter?
[2097.4s] Just wants to come and like wrench it up with me
[2099.7s] I don't have guidance right as grant says does night hunter does as well and in unison the gate is thrown up
[2107.9s] Grants is you're such a strong buff wizard, aren't you? Oh so strong so buff
[2114.3s] Well, thank you for your for your time here. Mr. Captain the guard and Mortimer
[2121.2s] Screw you for letting them know. Yes, that was a real dick move
[2125.8s] Why not say no
[2127.9s] You cannot have book. You cannot have book. This is entrapment. That's what this is. It is illegal
[2133.9s] Just saying I don't know if you've ever worked in a small town museum before but it's quite boring
[2140.7s] All right, fair enough. Yeah, okay
[2143.2s] Especially when our main display is some grants this dude's book
[2146.9s] Yeah, um can I get out of this like is there like is this gonna?
[2151.3s] Back up. Oh, no, I'll go I'll go release the lever release the lever. I thought you said lemur
[2161.2s] The lever lemur
[2164.1s] It's been a great ketchup
[2167.7s] We got the book now well
[2170.7s] Any good recommendations Mortimer of things to see in greenest while we're here. Well, I would say the museum but you're already here
[2179.4s] Recommend the thing that we're in
[2181.8s] The stag and pony in is pretty fun any chance. Oh cosmic bowling on Saturdays. That's delightful
[2189.0s] Do you know an artificer? Oh
[2193.7s] Yes, what is um
[2196.0s] What is his name Irish guard, oh, yeah, then artificer we've got one of those in town here
[2201.7s] He just moved in a couple weeks ago. His name is
[2205.1s] Squeaky McLeemerson another Irishman another Irishman
[2213.0s] Yeah, that's he lives down the block around two ways they're beside the cosmic boldathon and
[2220.6s] He's he's he's he's taking he's taking clients does this have to do with the beginning or the end of the world
[2227.2s] Well, they're fairly intertwined. It's true go before I have to arrest you
[2234.1s] Museum clerk. Goodbye. I'm a city guard. Well, I don't know who I'm talking to
[2240.6s] We also enjoy wild mood swings here at the museum. So go while you can
[2246.7s] Yes, let's see this squeaky McLeemerson as I eye down Mortimer gives you the old like I'm watching you
[2257.6s] We cut ahead to this small cart
[2261.4s] It's got fruits and vegetables on one side and trinkets and odds and ends on the other
[2268.2s] It has a sign that says
[2270.6s] Produce and artificing
[2273.7s] And sitting behind the cart tinkering away
[2278.4s] an older gnome gray hair frizzling around the sides that has grown down a kind of chin
[2286.7s] length a bit of a
[2288.9s] scraggly bushy
[2291.0s] Half beard. He's got one monocle on as he's as a fine
[2297.2s] Mechanical working tool working with some sort of small trinket
[2301.9s] It doesn't really see you approach as there are several people kind of passing
[2307.3s] Picking up fruit and tossing him a coin every now and again
[2310.5s] I think we all just stand in front of the cart. Just kind of like
[2318.6s] And maybe I'll say hello in no mish
[2322.4s] So he pays attention
[2324.4s] It's not that many of us throw clear and then the hello and he looks up and also in no mish. He responds
[2332.0s] I was an old an old Irishman sound
[2336.0s] Well, hello there. What can I do for you apples oranges bananas?
[2340.7s] They're all right there. Just take what you like and you can be on your way. We actually need to get to hell
[2347.5s] We're hoping you could
[2349.7s] Just adjust some coordinates for us you need to get to hell
[2354.2s] Yeah, well, I mean this is a I mean I got fruits and vegetables
[2361.2s] The bananas are divine
[2364.6s] We're not looking for the divine some say some say that when the watermelon goes bad
[2370.0s] Well, it's kind of like going to hell
[2372.6s] but
[2374.1s] I don't know what you mean. I
[2376.5s] I pull a ring off of my finger and I say well see this item here kind of already does it we just need you to change
[2383.3s] Oh where it does it to so he takes it from you. If you offer it freely
[2389.8s] Yeah, I place it on the cart. He picks it up and begins examining it and then lifts up like this drawer
[2398.1s] top
[2400.1s] Folds it up and then he lifts it up and then he lifts it up and then he lifts it up and then he lifts it up
[2406.2s] and this long extendable like
[2410.2s] intricate mechanical arm gets kind of
[2413.8s] Envelopes out and it it presents like these binocular like
[2419.8s] device
[2421.2s] But they have like this green aura glow to the lenses and he looks through them and he's holding up
[2427.9s] He says well, this is a very interesting piece. Where did you say you came by a family heirloom?
[2433.4s] interesting enough
[2437.1s] Yes, I see it goes into the depths of the abyss that's not a great place to go and you want to take it to hell
[2443.4s] instead
[2445.3s] Well, yes, you know
[2450.3s] Well, it comes at a pretty penny
[2452.3s] You you all look like you could probably afford it though. He looks like you've been around a little bit
[2457.8s] Do you have a very similar aesthetic to the to the giant statue in town square? There's
[2465.0s] Dwarven
[2467.4s] Lizard dragon
[2471.2s] Are you flint?
[2473.0s] Guilty as charged. Oh, all right. Well, you look like the the statue. That's what gave you away there
[2478.9s] I mean I can see past all the shines and sparkles, but we'll uh, we can talk that another time
[2484.8s] Ah, yeah, absolutely. I can send this to just about anywhere you like well, we don't want you to send it anywhere
[2491.4s] We want it to be able to send us somewhere just to clarify in case I yeah, that's what I said not clear. Okay
[2497.7s] I'll send it in. I'll send you and it anywhere you like. Well, I mean it's going with you. Is it not
[2503.7s] It is the thing that sins
[2506.2s] Okay, but it doesn't stay you guys. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes is the answer. Okay, you know by this
[2514.9s] I mean I could explain the mechanics of it with you
[2517.4s] But really it is going to the place and taking you along with it
[2522.7s] Now normally does it take more than just one person or does it take?
[2527.0s] multiple in multiple individuals
[2529.7s] Typically no more than two people. So if we can modify that that would be
[2534.8s] Juice crank it up
[2537.2s] Hopefully we can hopefully can sustain a little bit of extra extra NASA's they say in the industry
[2543.7s] Where did you know it drifts
[2549.5s] As you get older you find a lot of dialects that run by and you just kind of pick the ones that you like for
[2555.7s] The time that you like them is it just kind of drifts in and out. Sounds good. Yeah, it's easy
[2560.8s] Easy keeps people on their toes. Yeah, I mean the price would be probably a good
[2568.1s] 750 gold
[2571.3s] Shouldn't be a problem
[2574.3s] It's the juice is the extra juice that's gonna get you I've got
[2580.1s] Ten gold
[2586.3s] Well, I have seven well
[2589.1s] It looks like we're gonna have to go back to the days of the the early level
[2593.9s] Sidequest in order to get you a little bit more gold there friends
[2598.7s] Uh just so happens. I need a little job done in order to finish some of my trinkets and knickknacks
[2604.7s] Okay, and
[2606.3s] Well, you gotta venture out into the dead man's marsh
[2610.2s] find me some
[2612.3s] Sprinkles and such can you be more specific?
[2615.9s] Yep, I can be
[2618.1s] next time on Dumbgeons and Dragons
[2628.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons season 2 episode 128 starring Amy More as thea and knight hunter carla max dead as lip sync
[2636.9s] Tom laird as flint with kyle Claset as Vorunax and russe More as your dungeon master production and sound design by russe More
[2644.3s] This episode featured music from epidemic sound and Kavin mcleod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
[2650.0s] And sound effects from epidemic sound boom library and sound ideas a huge. Thank you to our supporting producers
[2655.6s] Gabriel lynch jessica Babyok cat water flame jacob madden christian brown craig zeiss aron stevens darrelleth
[2662.2s] perry matey la branton nathaniel teeter and nicholas cooper join us today at Patreon.com
[2667.9s] Dumb dragon cast where we've reached 100 patrons and we'll be hosting a live improv night
[2672.9s] Exclusive for all of our patrons coming up in july details will be available soon on Patreon and in our discord
[2678.9s] Plus we've just announced some new community goals and some amazing new bonus content coming along with them
[2684.7s] Including in character positive affirmations and the return of monthly one-shot episodes where we're excited to try out new characters new games
[2691.9s] And play a whole smattering of different great things that we hope you're gonna love. Thank you for listening. Have a great week
[2697.5s] We'll talk again soon
[2699.5s] Oh, I do not believe that's what that plaque says at all good, sir
[2703.5s] Yes end
[2707.9s] Oh, I wish I knew my episode history better so I could just ask you questions about your adventures
[2714.8s] Like that
[2716.5s] I feel like you know what you're right. I'm like actively trying to think of things that I can't though
[2720.0s] So that's all right. Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production